Surely
they could tell I was butch. But they were so welcoming and loving...
It was a
Sunday morning, the beginning of football season.
I was wearing my Dallas
Cowboys jersey, ready to root for them. I was visiting my parents who lived in
Las Vegas. I looked forward to spending more time with them after the game.
They were heading off to church, and I was heading to the casino to watch the game.
That is,
until Mom and Dad asked me to go with them to church that morning. They wanted
me to meet some of their new friends and to meet the pastor and his wife.
I had
nothing against going to church, mind you. It was just that the game would be
starting at 10:00, and, well, I preferred watching football to attending
church. In the back of my mind was also the fact that their church is one that
believes homosexuality is a sin. My thinking was that it would be easier on
everyone if their lesbian daughter just took herself to the casino to watch
some football.
But I
ended up going to church that day. Even though I was almost 35 years old, I was
still my parents' daughter, I was visiting their home, and I knew they had
their hearts set on my going with them. Little did I know how significant
visiting their church was going to be for me.
Mom and
Dad introduced me to each of their friends at church that morning. I was
impressed with how friendly everyone was. Toward me and toward each other as
well. As the service started, the church had a "welcoming time," and
folks were out of their seats and literally
walking
clear across the church to say hello to someone they did not know or had not
seen in awhile.
Many came
my way, sporting huge smiles and bright eyes. They spoke words of welcome. Some
gave me huge hugs. A couple of them told me they were not Cowboy fans, so not
to tell anyone they hugged me!
Never had
I felt so welcomed, so accepted. I felt as though this was where I belonged. It
was as if they were family I had never met.
The last
time I had gone to church was, well, I couldn't remember. Maybe a Christmas Eve
Mass years ago? I wasn't sure. My parents did not bring me up in the church.
When Mom
and Dad moved to Las Vegas, Dad was invited to attend a men's Bible study at
College Park Baptist Church. Shortly after that, Dad, at age 60, was born
again. A bit later, at age 65, my mom also was born again. My parents were both
excited to share their newfound experience with me.
I enjoyed
the rest of the church service. The music was great. A full choir, their faces
aglow, led the worship. It seemed everyone was full of smiles that day.
Throughout
most of the sermon, Pastor Bob's face held a smile. Sometimes he would catch my
eye, and it felt like he was speaking straight to me. He spoke that morning on
the armor of God. He had my attention through the whole sermon.
As the
service ended, several members of the choir, still in their robes, flocked
toward me. I looked around to see where they might be going. They were all
coming to greet my parents and me. Little did I know that Dad often sang in the
choir, and they all wanted to meet me, his daughter. I thought they looked like
a group of heavenly angels as their arms opened to hug me.
Finally,
it was time to go home. Or so I thought. The next game started at 1:00. If we
hurried, we could grab something to eat and head back to my parents' house to
watch football. No such luck. Mom and Dad wanted me to go to their Bible study
with them. Aargh. They would not let me take the car, go to the house, watch
the game with my kid brother and then come back to get them at halftime. So,
off I went to afternoon Bible study.
I quickly
got over not being able to watch the game. The study had my attention. It was
about God's son, Jesus, the man on the cross who died for the sins of the
world. I was familiar with the cross, but I hadn't known the name of the man on
it nor the significance of it.
I didn't
get to watch any football that day. But I did meet a lot of nice people. The
day at church did not go the way I thought it would. I thought we would get
into arguments about homosexuality. No one brought it up. Surely they could
tell I was butch. But they were so welcoming and loving, I saw no judgment nor
did I feel any. I felt as I had never felt before—accepted.
Not long
afterward the company I worked for promoted me to a regional executive position
that would require me to travel all across the country each week. The CEO
suggested that I move to Las Vegas. It made sense to move in with my parents
rather than getting a place of my own, since I would only be home on the
weekends. I could pay them rent. It was a win-win situation for us all.
Part of
the arrangement was that my parents hoped I would join them at church each
Sunday. They wanted me to experience the love, acceptance, and peace that they
had from their new personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Since my
first experience there was so enjoyable, I decided to give it a shot. I also
noticed the difference in both of my parents since they had become Christians.
They both seemed to have a peace that I had never noticed before. They still had
issues, but they were somehow different. It was a good different.
According
to God's Design
As I
started attending CPBC, I learned more and more about God's love and about his
Son, Jesus Christ. Many times in Bible study I would question what the Bible
says about homosexuality, and they were always gentle in their answers. They
told me they believed the Bible to be God's Word and that God did not create us
to be homosexual. It was not according to his design. They then took me to the
book of Genesis and showed how God created everything and how everything had an
order. They said that God made the man and then the woman to be the man's
companion, one complementing the other.
I would
argue that the writers of the Bible either had something against homosexuals or
that the Bible did not translate the words properly from the ancient language
into our current day English. I argued that the writers did not know
homosexuals as we are today. I argued that the word "homosexual" was
not even in the original English Bible. I agreed that two men together sexually
was not right, but I saw nothing unnatural with two women together sexually.
Looking back, I do not know where these arguments came from, but they made
sense to me at the time.
The folks
at CPBC never initiated the discussion of homosexuality. It was always me who
wanted to discuss it. They were more interested in my personal walk with God
and my relationship with Jesus. Though they were concerned about my
homosexuality, they explained that God would be the one to work on my
homosexuality and my belief that God made me that way.
I learned
much later that there were some who were not appreciative that the church
showed so much love and acceptance toward me, the lesbian. Someone told me that
some left the church. That saddened me. I hope those who left will come to see
that the church was doing the right thing. They loved me with the love of Jesus
Christ. They were compassionate truth-tellers, just like Jesus.
They were
the people who talked to me about homosexuality by taking me deeper into the
Word of God. They knew they could not argue me out of my homosexuality. The
first matter at hand was to introduce me to Jesus Christ, to the Word of God,
not to introduce me to heterosexuality.
Though I
did not realize it at the time, I was in a huge spiritual battle that went on
for at least a year, if not longer.
They
could not argue me out of my homosexuality. The first matter was to introduce
me to Jesus, not to heterosexuality.
Once I
started going to church on a regular basis, it was as if every girlfriend,
every lover, I had ever had contacted me by phone or came to visit me in Las
Vegas. They tried to bring me back into a relationship with them.
I explained
to each, as gently as I could, that something was going on with me, deep
inside, and I was beginning to believe that perhaps homosexuality was not the
right lifestyle. Even though it had been my identity for years.
A little
more than a year after visiting the church, I came to Christ. I attended Bible
studies, I sang in the choir, I was a part of these folks. They accepted me
into their family.
They did
not push the issue of my homosexuality. It was not an issue for them; they knew
God would eventually take care of it.
And he
did! The more I studied the Bible, the more my conviction grew. God and I
stayed up long nights talking about homosexuality and why he made me this way
if it was wrong. Slowly I heard his answers; slowly I came to realize homosexual
behavior was wrong. I could not figure it out, but I knew I should not act out
on my same-sex attractions. It was God speaking to me (not audibly), not the
church telling me.
After
being a new Christian for about a year, one Sunday night Pastor Bob preached on
seven Bible passages that address homosexuality. The same passages that I had
always believed the translators translated incorrectly or had nothing to do
with lesbians now struck a different chord in me.
I
realized when Pastor Bob gave the invitation that homosexual behavior was
wrong, and God does not make us homosexual. I could barely walk down the aisle
in order to publicly repent from my sin. I realized for the first time that for
almost 20 years I had believed a lie.
Thank
you, God, for helping my eyes to be open. Thank you, God, for your forgiveness!
Our Part,
God's Work
It is
because of this that I do believe a person can be in Christ and identify as
gay, though one must eventually realize that homosexual behavior is
inconsistent with a faithful relationship with Christ. It is a process! One
does not come to Christ and then magically all your sinful desires and
attitudes go away.
It takes
time to recognize parts of your life are sin. It is essential but it takes time
to admit the sin and turn away from it and toward God. This is not an easy
process. There is a lot of struggle as you fight it. But at least for me, God
takes it away a bit at a time.
It has
taken 15 years for me to be completely healed of my same-sex attractions. It is
a process that began one Sunday morning at College Park Baptist Church of Las
Vegas.
CPBC
accepted me just as I was when I walked through the door that Sunday morning,
they loved me with the love of Jesus Christ with their compassionate
truth-telling, and God used them to mend me, to mold me, and eventually send me
out into ministry.
Charlene
Hios is executive director of Bridging the Gaps Ministries in the San Francisco
Bay area.
. It is a
process that began one Sunday morning at College Park Baptind God used them to
mend me, to mold me, and eventually send me out into ministry.
Charlene
Hios is executive director of Bridging the Gaps Ministries in the San Francisco
Bay area.
. It is a
process that began one Sunday morning at College Park Baptist Church of Las
Vegas.
(College Park Baptist Church 2101 E. Owens North Las Vegas,
NV 89030)
CPBC
accepted me just as I was when I walked through the door that Sunday morning,
they loved me with the love of Jesus Christ with their compassionate
truth-telling, and God used them to mend me, to mold me, and eventually send me
out into ministry.
st Church
of Las Ve
CPBC
accepted me just as I was when I walked through the door that Sunday morning,
they loved me with the love of Jesus Christ with their compassionate
truth-telling, and God used them to mend me, to mold me, and eventually send me
out into ministry.
Charlene
Hios is executive director of Bridging the Gaps Ministries in the San Francisco
Bay area.